


Fluttershy's Review of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

by AlanPalgut



Series: Fluttershy's Reviews [3]
Category: Chitty Chitty Bang Bang - All Media Types, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Genre: Gen, Humor, Literature, fan fiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-01
Updated: 2017-08-01
Packaged: 2018-12-09 15:17:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11671728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlanPalgut/pseuds/AlanPalgut
Summary: I can't believe I almost neglected to mention the Sherman Brothers in this one.





	Fluttershy's Review of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

"Hello there, everypony!" said our favourite teal-eyed yellow pegasus. "I'm Fluttershy, and today I'm reviewing  _Chitty Chitty Bang Bang_. So some of you would mistake this for a rip-off of  _Mary Poppins_  or a Bond movie; but here Albert R. Broccoli once again took another shot at adapting a completely different story by Ian Fleming while getting Dick Van Dyke to appear in it. Put it together and what have you got?  _Chitty Chitty Bang Bang_."

So Fluttershy started the DVD. "Here it is," she said, "another entry with Dick Van Dyke and… Sally Ann Howes a.k.a. a poor man's Julie Andrews… Lionel Jeffries, director of one of Applejack's favourite movies,  _The Railway Children_ … in Ian Fleming's  _Chitty Chitty Bang Bang_? I totally hoped Sean Connery would step in for a minute. Oh wait, there's Goldfinger and Benny Hill? That should help. I suppose John Barry worked on it, too… nope, it's the Sherman Brothers, the two guys who never brought us "The Bare Necessities." So the story is about Car № 3, who won every single non-existent Grand Prix in post-Victorian, pre-WWI Europe until it met its demise in the 1909 British Grand Prix when a young girl and her dog caused it to swerve off the track and explode. № 3 ends up in the junkyard of the elderly Coggins, portrayed by Desmond Llewelyn or Q."

("This was once a great car. It won the Grand Prix three years running.")

"So as our two children, Jeremy and Jemima Potts – no relation to an enchanted teapot – go to their inventor father Caractacus," continued Fluttershy, "we meet the first of our 'new' characters from  _Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory_  author Roald Dahl – our heroine, Truly Scrumptious. She agrees to take our two  _Oliver!_  rejects home to their widowed father who was married in the book, and once again Dick Van Dyke is oh so American in a clearly British movie. When the two meet, he's kind of a jerk, but he gets better later on."

Fluttershy saw Twilight Sparkle come in. "Hey, Fluttershy," said the lavender alicorn. "What are you doing?"

"I'm reviewing  _Chitty Chitty Bang Bang_ ," replied Fluttershy. "Would you like to join me?"

"I mean, why not?" asked Twilight Sparkle. "So where are you right now?"

"I just got to where Dick Van Dyke sang perhaps the creepiest lullaby in all cinema," replied Fluttershy.

"You mean 'Hushabye Mountain?'" asked Twilight Sparkle. "That  _does_  sound creepy."

"I do," replied Fluttershy. "So the next day, the kids tell Caractacus to buy № 3; but he needs money, so he goes to Truly's father, Lord Scrumptious, after he comes up with a candy whistle that he calls the 'Toot Sweets.' The whistling, however, annoys every dog in town and the plan fails miserably."

"So Caractacus goes to a local carnival," continued Twilight Sparkle, "and offers his hair-cutting machine for service; but the annoyed patron steps in like Moe Howard and ends up looking more like Larry Fine. So much for that."

"In another attempt to get money," added Fluttershy, "he joins a musical troupe that performs 'Me Ol' Bam-Boo,' one of the most annoying Mary Poppins rip-off songs ever."

"Must… not… reference… Seth… MacFarlane…" said Twilight Sparkle.

"Luckily," said Fluttershy, "Caractacus gets enough money to buy № 3 for the kids and, with much development and effort, it gets a new name: 'Chitty Chitty Bang Bang,' derived from the sound it makes."

"And once again," said Twilight Sparkle, "Truly gets run off the road and into the nearby moat, but she agrees to join the trio for a nice day out."

"And no matter what you do," said Fluttershy, "the title track will never – oh, hello there, completely anachronistic, badly-painted, out-of-place J94 – it will never leave your head."

("No! No!")

"Totally with you, Daffy," said Twilight Sparkle. "So Caractacus tells the kids a story in about as bad a German accent as Van Dyke's Cockney one was in  _Mary Poppins_."

("Zat iz ze private yacht of ze notorious Baron Bomburst."

"Baron Bomburst?"

"You haf never heard of Baron Bomburst? Ruler of Vulgaria? Ze most evil man in ze world."

"Gosh!"

"Ja. Und he has sailed all ze way to England because he has heard tell of a fantastic motor car built by zat brilliant inventor, Caractacus Potts."

"Hurray!"

"Yes, hurray."

"Und he has come to steal ze car und take it back to Vulgaria with him.")

"And just as you expected," said Fluttershy, "the Baron, portrayed by Goldfinger, is on said yacht looking at said car. Luckily zey escape ze Baron just as ze tide rises and return to ze Potts' home."

"The Baron sends perhaps his two dumbest spies to kidnap Potts," said Twilight Sparkle, "but zey mistake der Großvater für der Vater, und zey hijack him by der Bleizeppelin. Ven Potts finds him being kidnapped ze car chases him, runs off ze cliff und shprouts vings und flies."

"So Grandpa goes to Vulgaria," added Fluttershy, "und ve see ze Baron's castle, vhich looks much like Neuschwansteinschloß vhile ze misery continues in zis dumb land zat forbids children und ist basically a utopian dictatorship. I can't deal vith zis anymore!"

"I agree," said Twilight Sparkle. "So with the children present in Vulgaria, we meet one of the scariest villains ever, the Child Catcher. He looks like a demented Mad Hatter with a creepy Pinocchio nose that got chopped off by a swordfish."

"Anyway," continued Fluttershy, "one ally our heroes have is the local toymaker, portrayed by Benny Hill, who is busily working since the Baron's b-day is tomorrow. The Child Catcher is fooled by this, but still suspects there are children in the area."

"So while our good friends look for important things," said Twilight Sparkle, "the children are left unattended and fall victim to the Child Catcher, who offers various sweets to the children."

("I've got cream pies, trinkle tarts.

"Trinkle tarts!")

"With the kids kidnapped," Fluttershy said, "Potts has to get them out along with Grandpa and the car. They get the Toymaker to disguise the two as life-size dolls in order to save them."

"This gives the kids the opportunity to strike," said Twilight Sparkle, "allowing our heroes to escape and the villains to get what's coming to them. It turns out the whole story was just one invented by Daddy to keep his kids entertained and shut them up for the last hour and fifteen minutes."

"So our two adults are married and live happily ever after," said Fluttershy, "and the Toot Sweets become a wonderful dog treat. And that's basically  _Chitty Chitty Bang Bang_  for you. I'm Fluttershy, over and out!"

Fluttershy's Rating: 4/5

Her brief review: " _Chitty Chitty Bang Bang_  is not the best 1960's musical, but it beats  _Home on the Range_  any day."

**"♪You're my little chu-chi face…♪"**


End file.
